Romantic Relationship Formation

Assortative mating

  • Potential exploration for people generally pairing with more similar than dissimilar people - people “sort” themselves into relationships with similar traits

    • Perceived similarity matters more than “objective” similarity

    • Long-term couples are generally likely to become more similar to their partner over time, BUT it is not clear if this is because generally dissimilar people are more likely to split up

    • Evidence is mixed on how much similarity in personality actually matters in terms of relationship satisfaction

  • For relationship quality, similar attitudes/beliefs are more important than similar personalities

  • Personality traits levels (ex., low neuroticism and high agreeableness) are more important to relationship satisfaction than similarity in personality

  • Aspirational assortative mating: People want to pair with those with similar personalities, but at more socially desirable levels

Process Model

  • Accessibility: Physical, social, and/or cyber proximity; #1 factor in process model

  • Appeal: Reflection on accessible candidates who have some appealing characteristics

  • Mutual Interest: The pool of potential candidates is further narrowed to those who have a mutual interest

  • A cycle of these steps continues until Partner Selection

Phases of Relationship Development

  • After beginning a relationship (following partner selection after the process model), what happens next in terms of intimacy, conflict, and communication

  • Honeymoon Phase: High levels of excitement (emotional and sexual), interest, and positive interactions (people on their best behavior)

  • Defining Phase: Labeling the relationship and assessing its seriousness and longevity.

    • The negotiation of expectations for the relationship is expected to result in increased levels of intimacy and conflict, including aggression, during the defining phase.

  • Established Phase: Includes a more committed and future-oriented relationship.

Cohabitation vs. Marriage

  • Broadly speaking, cohabiting before getting married is correlated with a higher probability of getting divorced.

  • It is not clear why

    • Possible confounds include religiosity, coming from “intact” families, but controlling for these does not completely do away with the association.

  • Proposed theory, selection effect

    • Essentially, a spurious relationship, people who choose to cohabit are relatively less likely to be religious, to come from “intact” families, and to come from higher SES backgrounds, which may all be related to the risk of divorce.e

  • Proposed theory, sliding vs. deciding

    • Some support for intentional decision making for emotional connections (more towards deciding than sliding) is positively related to a sense of dedication and better adjustment in relationships

Triangular Theory of Love

Passion

  • That intense feeling of wanting to be with someone emotionally and sexually

    • Love at first sight or infatuation

  • You feel a rush at the thought of being with another person - very physiological.

  • Quickest corner of the triangle to develop and the quickest to fade

    • Overall, it is unstable

  • Behaviorally, this manifests as sex, romantic gestures, etc.

  • Highly influential in short-term relationships but only moderately important in long-term relationships

Intimacy

  • Feeling bonded to another person

    • Can occur in friendships where there isn’t passion/romantic interest

  • There is mutual warmth and support

  • These feelings are often within an individual’s awareness, but can also not be

  • You can disclose secrets, parts of your life that you are struggling with, and feel safe being vulnerable with

  • This involves “liking” someone else.e

  • The “emotional investment” component becomes increasingly salient in longer-term relationships

  • It is generally the second leg of the triangle to develop. Develops quickly and tends to be quite stable and enduring across the relationship

Commitment

  • Being devoted to the other person fully and completely

  • This is the cognitive component of love - deciding to be with your partner

  • There are also behavioral components where the individual engages in behavior that maintains the relationship

    • Can be special (ex., anniversary) or daily

  • It is more salient in longer-term relationships and not influential in more casual relationships.

    • In the short term, there is a commitment to the relationship, and in the long term is about maintaining the commitment

  • Awareness typically fluctuates?

    • You ask a friend, Why are you staying with him/her? And they respond, “I don’t really know,” but don’t break up. Likely an aspect of commitment