Art of Dating

*carol waves sees him and walks over*\*

Bob?

Carol?

I’ve never been here before.

Good food. Nice atmosphere. Quiet.

So, should we get down to buisness?

w-Can I get you anything to drink

please.

Okay. I’ll have a…

Evian.

The same.

w-thank you. (leaves)

I’m sorry, I thought you were going to order a drink?

I never drink while on business. We are going to conduct some business?

Of course.

Good. My client is a little impatient.

Is he?

Yes. And yours?

Interested but…

You know the type…feigns disinterest at first.

You’ve done a lot of these?

Dozens. You?

Oh. I’ve done a…

Your first time>

Hardly…

You don’t have to lie. I won’t take advantage of your inexperience.

Don’t worry.

Hey, nothing to get huffy about.

I am not huffy. Insulted, yes. Huffy no.

I didn’t intend to…

No, I’m sure you didn’t. Or maybe you did. Maybe this is how you work. Your game plan.

Game plan? I think we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot. Besides were not here to trade insults, were here to make an arrangement. Right?

I detest that word.

Arrangement?

It makes it all sound so mechanical.

Well it is isn’t it? It wasn’t this way when people still met each other face to face…

But that was before…

Everything. I know.

I can’t believe how people behaved then. Engaged in…

Casual sex?

That’s it. Can you imagine?

Well…

How foolish!

In retrospect, yes. But just think. If people had been sensible, we wouldn’t have our jobs.

I guess you’re right.

Because then my client, Theodore, wouldn’t have any use for me.

No, it’s much better now. So much safer. So much more sensible. And more likely to work out to each person’s satisfaction.

Exactly!

All the details worked out in advance.

Yes now I really think we should…

w-here we are.

b-thank you. Now as I was

Yes.

My client…

Theodore.

Yes…Theodore. Anyway, my client is very interested in setting up an appointment with your client…

Alice.

Yes. Alice. He is very interested in…

What does he do?

Do?

Occupation?

Oh, I thought you meant…

No, we can discuss that later if it’s warranted. Alice…I mean my client… would simply like to know what your client does for a living.

He’s a pilot.

Excuse me…do you mind?

No of course not go right ahead.

Would you mind repeating that?

About his occupation?

Yes.

Sure. He’s a pilot.

Good. Private or commercial?

Private.

Corporation or individual?

Corporation.

Risky, isn’t it?

Accidents?

No, downsizings…mergers…layoffs…

He’s been with them thirteen years.

Very risky. Misplaced sense of loyalty. Salary?

High five figures.

How high?

Higher than average?

Eighty…Ninety?

Seventy.

Oh.

Excellent benefits.

Life insurance?

That’s a bit premature isn’t it?

My client is concerned about the long-term as well as the short term. Height?

Six one.

Weight.

204\.

Hmm..

What?

That’s a bit on the heavy side.

He has an athletic build. At the gym three times a week.

Blood pressure

One twenty-nine over eighty four.

Resting pulse.

Fifty-six.

Runner?

Rower.

Interesting. Body fat?

Sixteen percent.

Uh…

What?

I hate this next question.

It becomes routine after the first few dozen times.

It seems so superfluous.

Then don’t ask.

I have to…Alice…my client has a preference for…

Well?

Size?

Specifically or will a general category do?

Whatever you’re comfortable with.

Average to above average.

You’re sure?

I haven’t personally verified…

I didn’t mean to…

I know. You have more questions?

A few.

Okay.

Partners?

Lifetime or since the last testing?

Both.

Thirty-three and one.

Thirty three? …and no problems have ever surfaced in the testing?

No.

Nothing?

It’s all documented. Anything else.

Are you hungry?

Excuse me?

Food? Dinner? I don’t know about you but I’m famished.

Are we through?

For the moment.

Thank you.

You’ve eaten here before?

Dozens of times?

What’s good?

I always have the same thing

Always

Everytime. The house club salad, lite thousand island dressing, and Evian.

Very healthy.

I try.

How about the blackened catfish

I haven’t really heard anything.

I like hot things.

Heartburn.

Excuse me?

I get heartburn if I eat spicy foods.

That’s too bad.

Are you ready to order?

B-You are aren’t you?

Yes. I’ll have the blackened catfish with rice pilaf and bleu cheese dressing on my salad.

Sir?

The same. Except for the dressing. Make mine light thousand island.

Yes sir.

Well.

surprised?

Yes.

Good.

Why the sudden change?

I was swayed. By you.

Oh.

You’re not like the others.

Others?

Relationship consultants. You’re different. More human. More attractive.

Thank you. I think.

It’s a compliment. Believe me.

So…

So, how about if I ask a few more questions while we’re waiting for our food?

Sure why not.

I still work the old fashioned way. Your client is 38 correct?

Yes.

Hair?

Blonde.

Natural?

Bottle.

Eyes?

Blue.

Contacts?

No.

And yours?

Excuse me?

Now getting back to your client?

Alice.

Yes is Alice athletic?

Is this a polite way to ask how much she weights?

Not at all. My client is very into exercise…rowing weightlighting hiking.

Aerobics. Three times a week for an hour.

Hmm

Jazz-tap twice a week.

A dancer.

Five years of formal ballet training.

She must have strong legs.

Yes.

You dance?

Me? No. not really.

You have very nice legs.

Thank you.

You’re very attractive.

That’s sweet of you to say…now about Alice…

Yes…your client….she

Yes.

Sorry I’m a bit distracted tonight.

Oh?