baker's wife lines

baker: who might that be?

we have sold our last loaf of bread.

baker: it’s the witch from next door!

we have no bread!

baker: look what i found in father’s hunting jacket.

six beans!

baker: i wonder if they are the-

witch’s beans? we’ll take them with us.

baker: no! you are not coming.

i know you are fearful of the woods at night.

baker: what are you doing here?

you forgot your scarf-

baker: you have no business being alone in the wood. and you have no idea what i’ve come upon here. you would be frightened for your life. now go home immediately!

i wish to help.

jack: i was heading toward market-- but i seem to have lost my way.

what are you planning to do there--?

baker: five pounds! where am i to get five pounds?

she must be generous of milk to fetch five pounds?

jack: yes, ma’am.

and if you can’t fetch that sum? then what are you to do?

baker: this is the sum total…

beans?! we mustn’t give up out beans! well… if you feel we must.

baker: huh?

beans will bring you food, son.

jack: beans in exchange for my cow?

oh, these are no ordinary beans, son. these beans carry magic.

jack: magic? what kind of magic?

tell him.

baker: six.

five! we can’t part with all of them. we must leave one for ourselves. besides, i’d say they’re worth a pound each, at the very least.

baker: take the cow and go home!

i was trying to be helpful.

baker: magic beans! we’ve no reason to believe they’re magic! are we going to dispel this curse through deceit?

no one would have given him more for that creature. we did him a favor. at least they’ll have some food.

narrator: little did they know those beans would grow into an enormous stalk that would stretch into the heavens.

are you all right, miss?

cinderella: yes. i just need to catch my breath.

what a beautiful gown you’re wearing. were you at the king’s festival?

cinderella: yes.

aren’t you the lucky one. why ever are you in the wood at this hour?

cinderella’s prince: have you seen a beautiful young woman in a ball gown pass through?

i don’t think so, sir.

steward: i think i see her over there.

i’ve never lied to royalty before. i’ve never anything to royalty before!

cinderella: thank you.

if a prince were looking for me, i certainly wouldn’t hide.

cinderella: well, what brings you here--and with a cow?

oh, my husband’s somewhere in the woods. he’s undoing a spell.

cinderella: oh?

oh, yes. now, the prince, what’s he like?

after a very nice prince

are you to return to the festival tomorrow eve?

cinderella: perhaps.

perhaps? oh, to be pursued by a prince. all that pursues me is tomorrow’s bread. what i wouldn’t give to be in your shoes.

cinderella: will you look over there! an enormous vine growing next to that little cottage!

….i mean slippers.

cinderella: it looks like a giant beanstalk rising into the sky.

as pure as gold?

cinderella: i must get home.

wait! i need your shoes! hey! come back here!

baker: come back here! damn! give me back -- what are you doing here now?

i see you’ve the red cape.

baker: yes. i’ve the cape. only two items left to locate.

three.

baker: two. i’ve the cape and the cow.

you’ve the cape!

baker: what have you done with the cow?!

she ran away. i never reached home. i’ve been looking for her all night.

baker: i should have known better than to have entrusted her to you.

she might have just as easily run from you!

baker: but she didn’t!

but she might have!

witch: don’t give me that, fool! i don’t want to touch that! have you no sense? listen to her beautiful music.

lovely.

baker: i don’t like that woman.

i’m sorry i lost the cow.

after agony

two princes, each more handsome than the other. no! get the hair!

jack’s mother: excuse me, young woman. have you encountered a boy with carrot-top hair and a sunny, though occasionally vague, disposition, answering to the name of jack?

not the one partial to a white cow?

jack’s mother: he’s the one.

have you seen the cow?

jack’s mother: no, and i don’t care to ever again. children can be very queer about their animals. you be careful with your children…

i have no children.

jack’s mother: that’s okay, too.

yes… well, i’ve not seen your son today.

witch: you’ve caused enough trouble! keep out of my path!

i hope there are no witches to encounter. rapunzel, rapunzel? let your hair down to me.

rapunzel: is that you, my prince?

yes. excuse me for this.

cinderella: hello. it’s these slippers. they’re not suited for these surroundings. actually, they’re not much suited for dancing, either.

i’d say those slippers are as pure as gold.

cinderella: yes. they are all you could wish for in beauty.

what i wouldn’t give for just one.

cinderella: one is not likely to do you much good.

was the ball just as wonderful as last evening?

after a very nice prince reprise

he must have really taken a liking to you.

cinderella: i have no experience with princes and castles and gowns.

nonsense, every girl dreams--

cinderella: i must run.

and i must have your shoe!

cinderella: stop that!

i need it to have a child!

cinderella’s prince: where did she go?

who?

steward: don’t play the fool, woman!

oh! you mean the beautiful young maiden in the ball gown? she went in that direction. i was trying to hold her here for you…

cinderella’s prince: i can capture my own damsel, thank you.

yes, sir.

stepmother: where did she go?

who?

florinda: yes!

that direction. but you’ll never reach them!

florinda: we would have if that mongrel with the cow hadn’t molested us.

cow?

baker: i thought you were returning home. i’ve had no luck.

you’ve the cow!

baker: yes, i’ve the cow. i’ve only two of the four.

three.

baker: two!

three. compare this to your corn!

baker: where did you find it?

i pulled it from a maiden in a tower.

baker: three!

and i almost had the fourth, but she got away.

baker: we’ve one entire day left. surely we can locate the slipper by then.

we? you mean you’ll allow me to stay?

baker: look what this hen has dropped in my hand!

a golden egg? i’ve never seen a golden egg!

jack: you see, i promised you more than the five gold pieces i gave you, sir.

five gold pieces?

jack: now i’m taking my cow?

five gold pieces?

jack: but you took the five gold pieces.

you took five gold pieces?!

baker: i didn’t take, you gave.

where are the five gold pieces?

baker: now, i never said you could. i said you might.

you would take money before a child?!

jack: milky white is dead!

two!

baker: you must go to the village in search of another cow.

and what do you propose i use to purchase this cow?

baker: here. tell them it’s magic.

no person with a brain larger than this is going to exchange a cow for a bean.

baker: then steal it.

steal it? just two days ago you were accusing me of exercising deceit in securing the cow.

baker: then don’t steal it and resign yourself to a childless life.

i feel it is best you go for the cow, as i have met a maiden with a golden slipper these previous eves, and i think i might succeed in winning one of her shoes.

baker: fine.

fine.

baker: that is simply-

fine.

cinderella: don’t come any closer to me!

please, just hear me out!

cinderella: we have nothing to discuss. you have attacked me once before--

i did not attack you! i attacked your shoe. i need it. here! here is a magic bean in exchange for it!

cinderella: magic bean? nonsense!

don’t do that!

cinderella: i’ve already given up one shoe this evening. my feet cannot bear to give up another.

i need that shoe to have a child!

cinderella: that makes no sense!

does it make sense that you’re running from a prince?

steward: stop!

here, take my shoes. you’ll run faster.

steward: who was that woman?

i do not know, sir.

steward: lying will cost you your life!

i’ve done nothing!

baker: i’ve the cow.

the slipper! we’ve all four!

steward: i will give this to the prince and we will search the kingdom tomorrow for the maiden who will fit this shoe.

it’s mine. i don’t care if this costs me my life--

witch: the third midnight is here. you’ve all the objects?

yes. slipper, hair--

witch: that cow doesn’t look white as milk to me.

oh, she is. she is!

witch: then where is she?

she’s dead.

witch: quiet! feed the objects to the cow!

what?

witch: wrong ingredients. forget about a child.

no, no, you wait one moment! we’ve followed your instructions. one, that cow is as white as milk, correct?

witch: yes. (first)

and two, that cape was certainly as red as blood.

witch: yes. (second)

and three, the slipper--

baker: and four, i compared the hair with this ear of corn.

i pulled it from a maiden in a tower and--

witch: you WHAT? what were you doing there?

well, i happened to be passing by

witch: i touched that hair! don’t you understand? i cannot have touched the ingredients!

noooo!

mysterious man: i didn’t want to run away from you, son, but--

it’s working!

baker: we’ve given you what you wish.

now when can we expect a child?

baker: what’s wrong?

what’s happening?