PSYO380M Final

passive exclusion

others ignore us but do not avoid us

active exclusion

others avoid us, tolerating our presence only when necessary

maximal exclusion

others banish us, sending us away, or abandon us

perceived relational value

the apparent importance that others attach to their relationships with us

relational devaluation

apparent decreases in others' regard for us--and it causes a variety of unhappy emotions

ostracism

occurs when people are given the "cold shoulder" and ignored by those around them

active inclusion

occurs when others make sure to invite us and are disappointed if we can't come, but wouldn't reschedule so that we could

passive inclusion

occurs when others allow us to be included

ambivalence

others do not care whether we re included or not

jealousy

defined best by hurt, anger, and fear but can also involve feelings from sad dejection to pride

reactive jealousy

occurs when someone becomes aware of an actual threat to a valued relationship

suspicious jealousy

occurs when one's partner hasn't misbehaved or one's suspicions do not fit the facts at hand

clinical approaches to the treatment of jealousy

(a) reduce irrational, catastrophic thinking that exaggerates either the threat to the relationship or the harm that its loss would entail; (b) enhance the self-esteem of the jealous partner; (c) improve communication skills so the partners can clarify their expectations and agree on limits to prevent jealous misunderstandings; (d) increase satisfaction and fairness in the relationship

deception

intentional behaviour that creates an impression in the recipient that the deceiver knows to be untrue

deceiver's distrust

when people lie to others, they often begin to perceive the recipients pf the lies as less honest and trustworthy as a result \-- liars assume others are just like them, and they feel better about themselves when they believe their faults are shared by others

truth bias

when one assumes that their partners are usually telling the truth

betrayals

disagreeable, hurtful actions be people we trusted and from whom we reasonably did not expect such treachery

forgiveness

is a decision to give up your perceived or actual right to get even with, or hold in debt, someone who has wronged you

components of forgiveness

-contrition -desire to continue the relationship-being able to let go vs. continuing to ruminate

conflict

occurs when one's wishes or actions actually obstruct or impede those of someone else

dialectics

opposing motivations that can never be entirely satisfied because they contradict each other

Four Dialectics

1. Autonomy vs. Connection 2. Openness vs. Closedness 3. Stability vs. Change 4. Integration vs. Separation

influences on the amount of conflict we encounter

-personality -attachment style -stage of life -similarity -sleep -alcohol

criticism

involves verbal or nonverbal acts that are judged to communicate unfair dissatisfaction with a partner's behaviour, attitude, or trait

four events that instigate conflict

1. criticism 2. illegitimate demands 3. rebuffs 4. cumulative annoyances

illegitimate demands

involve requests that seem unjust because they exceed the normal expectations that the partners hold for each other

rebuffs

involve situations in which one person appeals to another for a desired reaction, and the other person fails to respond as expected

cumulative annoyances

relatively trivial events that become irritating with repetition

actor/observer effects

guarantee that partners will have slightly different explanations for their actions than anyone else does

self-serving biases

biases that lead people to judge their own actions more favourably than others do

attributional conflict

fighting over whose explanation is right and whose account is wrong

Peterson's general model of conflict

predisposing conditions -\> instigating event -\> engagement or avoidance -\> (MIDDLE STAGES) escalation or negotiation -\> separation or conciliation -\> reconciliation or negotiation -\> (TERMINATION) structural improvement, integrative agreements, compromise, or domination, separation

direct tactics in conflict

explicitly challenge one's partner 1. accusations that criticize the partner and attribute negative qualities to them 2. hostile commands for compliance that sometimes involves threats of physical or emotional harm 3. antagonistic questions 4. surly or sarcastic put-downs that communicate disgust or disapproval

indirect tactics in conflict

manage the conflict in a less straightforward manner 1. condescension or implied negativity that hints at animosity or arrogance 2. dysphoric affect (melancholy, dejection, whining) 3. attempts to change topics preemptively 4. evasive remarks that fail to acknowledge the partner or that fail to recognize the conflict

social structure hypothesis

argues that the demand/withdraw pattern results from pervasive differences in the power of men and women in society and marriage alike

direct tactics of negotiation

1. showing a willingness to deal with the problem by accepting responsibility or by offering concessions or a compromise 2. exhibiting support for the other's point of view through paraphrasing 3. offering self-disclosure with "I-statements" 4. providing approval and affection

Indirect tactics of negotiation

using friendly, non-sarcastic humor that lightens the mood - it reduces angry emotion and we feel closer to our partners and more satisfied with the solutions we reach

four types of responses to conflict and dissatisfaction

differ in being either active or passive, and being either constructive or destructive 1. voice 2. loyalty 3. neglect 4. exit

voice (one of four types of responses to conflict)

behaving in an active, constructive manner by trying to improve the situation by discussing matters with the partner, changing one's behavior in an effort to solve the problem, or obtaining advice from a friend or therapist

loyalty (one of four types of responses to conflict)

behaving in a passive but constructive manner by optimistically waiting and hoping for conditions to improve

neglect (one of four types of responses to conflict)

behaving in a passive but destructive manner by avoiding discussion of critical issues and reducing interdependence with the partner. When one is neglectful, one stands aside and just lets things get worse

exit (one of four types of responses to conflict)

behaving in an actively destructive manner by leaving the partner, threatening to end the relationship, or engaging in abusive acts such as yelling or hitting

John Gottman's four couple conflict types

1. volatile 2. validators 3. avoiders 4. hostiles