Wolves

\#14: what’d you say?

\#2: have you played with it before

like yeah of course we have

we’re women

that’s like what we do

\#2: has it been a problem?

like has blood run down my legs?

\#2: what if like my pad falls out?

\#8: omigosh

you still use those?

that’s like running around with a diaper or something

\#14: yo gotta get off those

you want a ?

cause I can get you one

\#8: same

no you want it

trust me you want it

\#11: I’m pretty sure they have a twitter like platform in China

#14: They’re just in my backpack

#2: no thank you

\#25: uh platform? (switch stretch)

you remember courtney

\#14: oh jesus courtney

with the super plus

\#14: oh my god yes

little perv

\#11: I mean like yeah we should take our liberties for granted

\#13: um

\#11: what

\#13: um no we should not

wait

\#13: we should like definitely not take our liberties for granted

what if it ran down and like

\#11: I never said we should take our liberties for granted (switch stretch)

stained the ball

\#14: that would be like so epic

\#14: like so scary for the other team

yeah like “score on me with my own baby blood? I think not!”

\#14: “want a piece of me? here! have a piece of my / ovary”

yeah like

\#11: firmly pro-liberty (switch stretch)

\#14: totally haha

like you know uh

\#11: I just meant / like

suck on my tampon bitchessss!

\#14: “you got my period on your cleats fool”

SUCK IT

\#14 take one

seriously

they’re in my backpack in a little polka dot thing

RUN BITCH RUN

\#25 language

\#8 you know she doesn’t like that word

I don’t like your face doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist

\#14 GUYSGUYSGUYS she uses pads

\#11 really?

yep

\#8 I just don’t think we should call her we shouldn’t use the

the b-word

bitch

\#11 I saw this documentary on Netflix about like snake handling

have you guys heard about snake handling

more like Bitch-co-palian

\#14 or like

like

E-bitch-co-palian

um hello just made that joke

\#14 haha yeah you did

shut up whore

\#14 ha ha shut it you uh

you uh

make me bitch

\#14 … ok (boobslap)

OW!

\#25 ladies

\#14 baby

that hurt asshole

\#14 faker baby

fuck you they’re really tender right now

\#46 what article

\#8 so horrible

\#11 yeah

\#46 guys what article

would you shut the fuck up?

\#14 (hey)

(hey)

(hey)

what

\#14 what’s the Khmer Rouge

\#13 they’re like Nazis in Cambodia

\#25 but in the 70s

\#11 that's not / quite

you don’t know about the Khmer Rouge?

\#11 they don’t teach you about Cambodia at St. Albert?

\#14 um I don’t think so

\#11 Oh

we don’t do genocides ‘til senior year

\#14 how do you know about the Khmer Rouge

I don’t know it’s the Khmer Rouge

\#14 / were we talking about fucking Harry Potter? um no we were talking about the Khmer Rouge the Khmer Rouge ok who were like Asian Nazis and killed billions of people so like have a sense of like of like

not being a dick about it

\#13 yeah

you were like “oh they can’t execute him he’s 90”

when he killed 100s of 1000s of human beings

but he killed all those people

\#11 no guys I just think it’s uh

it’s

ethically complicated

\#13 what’s so complicated about killing 100s of 1000s of people?

well it’s probably pretty challenging technically

\#14 wow

\#11 um

\#13 that is gnarly man

\#8 eww

what think about it

\#2 so he might only serve a year in prison for doing a genocide?

\#11 yeah

that is so fucked

\#11 remember Las Vegas Showcase last year?

this girl remembers you were like “shoot on my goal? I think not”

\#13 look at their stupid yellow jerseys

they look like like like

school buses

yeah fucking school buses

\#14 coach couldn’t give a shit if we paid him

oh that’s right we do

\#11 why do think he wears those stupid athletic sunglasses

Inside

on a Saturday Morning?

maybe he’s still wasted

\#13 oh bleedy

sweet sweet little bleedy

\#11 he’s definitely still wasted

such a joke

\#25 …alright

get on out there

hustle

you better not get me sick before my birthday

\#11 not just Mexican

mostly like Guatemalan and Honduran and like

all over

all over Central America

and that’s why you’re selling scarves?

\#11 it means we’re like

we’re America

USA

USA

USA

USA

\#11 it’s like

you know

we drive pick-up trucks and don’t like cuss words

the fuck is a cuss word

\#13 still got that smoking haircut?

and that sexy sexy bod?

\#11 screw you

um I think you meant “fuck”

\#11 you are such an asshole

\#13 that’s Auntie Asshole you dearie

that is so nasty

\#8 I love that

I like love that we live in The Shire of America

ACHOO

\#14 bless you

thanks bitch

\#8 he’s just such a good friend!

you know?

jesus

*sings LOTR*

you guys are retarded

\#8 hey

don’t use the r-word

\#2 yeah

not cool

oh get over yourselves

\#25 no really

it’s really not cool

jesus you guys are like a bunch of fascists

haven’t you heard of like free speech

like the first fucking amendment?

\#25 it’s just an ugly word

and it’s not the sort of word we want of the field

(fuck you)

\#25 what was that?

nothing

\#25 what?

jesus nothing

\#13 ow ow ow

\#8 she’s so huge

just look at her

Christine Fucking Kratzer

\#25 if you want to bulk up maybe you should try lifting

and like eating more protein

\#2 in my youth ministry we tutor 1st graders

at Jessie Beck

they’re all ESL kids

and the later they come over the harder it is

ARE YOU GUYS FUCKING BRAIN DEAD? these kids have nowhere to go no like legal status I mean they’re just going to be like deported back to their families who sent them here so they could like have a better life and like not live in a fucking war zone with like fucking drug lords but now if they like if they even make it across the fucking border they’re stuck in like basically prisons in like arizona and being used as like as like FUCKING POLITICAL PROPS

\#13 …woah man

\#2 …what are you saying

so they have much bigger fucking problems than than fucking than fucking ESL BEDTIME STORIES

\#14 I didn’t know you cared about this stuff

my dad’s firm does like a lot of immigration stuff pro bono stuff he’s so pissed

\#8 but like didn’t it take you a while to learn English?

me?

\#wait shouldn’t you have an English accent them?

YOU GUYS ARE RETARDED

\#13 woah man

\#25 would you watch that language

oh yeah? or WHAT?

\#25 or I’ll tell Coach

oh no! the dumbass who works at Best Buy? see how many fucks I give

\#25 that’s it

I’m warning you

fuck you

\#25 you’re running laps

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

\#2 guys? what’s / Plan

\#25 look who’s back! #13 yo yo!

\#11 hey guys!

\#8 OH

Hi

hello

were you guys talking about us or something?

\#11 there’s a bird in the air dome

what-ever big news guys

\#8 omigosh

\#2 your mom’s the best

she’s like the total best

\#13 (my dudes I’ve got braces)

\#11 (this tastes funny after a while)

wow

\#2 (I don’t have one)

seriously?

\#2 (I’m not allowed)

um why?

\#2 (radiation)

what?

\#2 (radiation?)

what?

\#8 (yay!

guys!

let’s all pose!

let’s pose like Charlie’s Angels)

LET’S POSE LIKE CHARLIE’S ANGELS

um, no

let’s just like do whatever

\#14 alright

um

look fierce

very cool you guys

can I see?

\#8 all the immigrant kids

do you think someone gives them like mini soccer balls?

jesus christ

\#11 jesus she’s working us

cause we fucking lost

\#13 Blue Storm is going downnn

bitches won’t know what kit ‘em

\#25 I WANT US LOOKING GOOD OUT THERE TODAY

\#13 sure thing sweetheart

\#25 ready?

\#2 …ok

did you bring your stuff?

\#14 what stuff?

um like a bikini? a toothbrush?

\#14 oh oops I like totally forgot

guess I’ll just have to SKINNY DIP

you total fucking slut!

\#13 it was a sick header though

\#2 right?

I am so fucking pumped

\#14 yeah Martin Luther King Jr. Day is like totally my favorite holiday

shut up asshole

\#14 oh right

and it’s your birthday

oh right and we’re going to my dad’s ski house and that asshole won’t be there and he has like a fully stocked bar

\#46 sorry

\#8 it’s ok

so shut the fuck up you ungrateful whore

\#13 yep yep

\#2 crap

…

…

she’s so good

\#13 I know

OW

\#14 what

i forgot how much these hurt

\#14 what?

i just got waxed

\#14 ohhh

owwww

\#14 I can’t believe you do that

it must be like so painful

I guess

\#14 my sister says it’s like bitchslapping your vagina

but with hot oil

like a hot oil bitchslap

I have a pretty high pain tolerance so

\#14 wait is Dan coming this weekend?

it’s my birthday so like he better fucking come

\#14 and you didn’t invite anyone else?

well Dan’s bringing a friend

\#14 so it’s just you and Dano

and me and like some college guy I don’t know

chill the fuck kay he’s hot we’ll ski we’ll go in a jacuzzi Dan’ll make his famous screwdrivers it’ll be crazy kay?

\#2 when we get scholarships

do you think they’ll be full-ride?

plus they’re just a bunch of dumb virgins

\#14 hahaha

or like secret lesbians

\#14 that was interesting

\#8 so weird

but so good at that

if only she could play like center whatever

\#13 you guys she sounds exactly like

\#8 oh my gosh

“mark your man goddammit”