Daddy Bombshell

MELISSA:

DADDY BOMBSHELL?! IS THAT YOU!?

You bet your bottom dollar it’s me. Come over here and give your Bombshell some love. I got a call from your mother about poor Jakey poo.

JESSIE, MATT & MELISSA: 

(ad lib) Yea, come on.  What’s up?  Why did she call you?

MAMA B: 

Fine. I’ve kept my secret for 15 years. It’s time to tell the world.  I am Mama Bombshell by night. But by day, I go by Sheriff Clancy Drew.

JESSIE:

Guys, he’s the sheriff!  he might be our only hope in solving Jake’s murder. 

Yes, listen to the homely goth girl.  I can help you kids.

MATT:

I hate to admit it (Looks down at her cleavage mesmerized) but we do.

 Eyes up here honey! Now, I can help solve this murder. Unfortunately, I had a feeling this would happen again. I couldn’t bear to hear about my little Melissa being so upset. And one of those handsome, sweaty football player boys taken from us too soon. The minute I got here I started questioning the rest of the students to get an idea of what happened

Okay guys. We get it. There are quite a few different theories out there on who could have done this. Even you, Daddy B!

Naur! Darlin No! You never know who could backstab you like this, and you know I’m as gentle as a lamb in and out of the bedroom. Ask Barry Manilow!

But No! I want to put a stop to this murder tradition, I cannot stand this violence-

HOLD IT

I saw how bad it could get when Elton John asked me to perform to Tiny Dancer on top of his piano, and when I got off the piano he slapped my across the face and said you’re not tiny enough!

I never recovered from that.

JESSIE:

It had to be someone who knows the layout of this school. And has access to the school keys.

Yes baby. You’re pulling it all together. Use those thinking caps.

MELISSA:

It’s gotta be one of the teachers! Principal McCall has been the key holder for years. Do you have anything to say for yourself Principal McCall? Hmmm no lines?

Oh. Don’t go blaming that darling old hag Mrs. McCall. She’s been here since 1925. She’s ancient. She wouldn’t have the strength to take a knife and penetrate flesh. Look at her. She can barely hold her drink. But that might be the Xanax she mixed with coffee at morning announcements.

JESSIE:

Yea, and Prom Queen wouldn’t kill anyone! We all know she has had her ups and downs. Being a teen mom in middle school and having to wear that brace for her curved spine. She’s gone through a lot! Lay off Melissa!

MELISSER, it seems like you’re getting very worked up. We are all scared and frightened, but you’re acting like a cat on a hot tin roof!

MELISSA:

Don’t tell me how to feel! I wish all of you would go away and die!

MELISSER!

Honey, anything you’d like to get off your chest? Besides the Kleenex in your bra?

MATT: Shut Up

Shut Up

Melissa: It’s fine Everything’s Great!

MELISSER! NAUR!

You really murdered Jake?

MAtt: Shut up

Laine Ad lib

Matt: Why did you kill Jake.

Yeah, it’s time to get your dingo off your baby-back ribs.

MELISSA: Every one of my family members had something to do with it.

EVEN YOUR MOTHER?

Everyone: Jeff! 

Jeffy I’ll need to get your card after the show, i:ve got some gigs coming up and I need you to dress this, dress this, dress this. 

Jessie: Jinkies

Zoiks!

Melissa: Kisses Bitches

Melisser! You were supposed to take me to the airport

Matt: Yeah, I definitely like dudes.

SHe got away with a murder!